Saturday, December 21, 2013

Three times a present

Linda likes kitchen gadget items. If I'm not careful I'll be eating 7-minute brownie bites out of Perfect Tortillas for the rest of my life. For a long time we agreed on one - the SodaStream. I have to admit that I drink a lot of Coke (less now since I quit smoking). I was under the impression that you put the carbonation canister into the SodaStream and then the flavoring and when you pumped it, out came soda. Boy was I wrong. You carbonate water into seltzer and then dump the flavoring in. So it makes seltzer and you buy cola syrup from them. How the hell is this an all-in-one soda maker. It's a damn bubble maker. I could literally fart in a bottle and get the same effect. I decided to hate the SodaStream.

We visited friends, Jim and Sue, in Virginia a few weekend ago. Naturally they had a SodaStream so Linda got hot on the idea again. I decided to continue to hate the SodaStream. Because I only want her happy, I spent about an hour in Photoshop to carefully sort through the seemingly endless models of bubbly water makers that are almost identical, by cutting out unnecessary rows of information. I arrived at a conclusion and ordered her a SodaStream for Christmas from a 3rd party retailers on Amazon.

A few days later it arrives. As I'm about to wrap it to put it under the tree I realize it's the wrong model. Oh well. She can open it and I'll deal with the exchange after Christmas. In the meantime I'm going to verbally abuse Wayfair for sending me the wrong thing this close to Christmas (the one they sent was also $30 cheaper than what I ordered).

A few more days later another SodaStream arrives. It's the right one. I haven't heard back from Wayfair and there wasn't enough time for them to ship it anyway. I must have ordered one, forgot and ordered another. Looking carefully, #1 is from Target.com. I have no charge from them, no orders in my Target.com account and only one order in my Amazon.com account. The new one is actually from Wayfair. Apparently, the universe sent us a bubbler.

While on the phone with Matt, who is supposed to be counsel, but is spending more time in hysterics I get a message from Jim. I bet he sent it because Linda loved his. But we've never exchanged gifts. Hmmm... Voicemail is making Christmas visit plans. Wasn't him. Shit. Back to the universe theory. For shits and grins I asked him if he knew anything about this. He initially denied it, adding to the confusion, but then admits that Santa came early for our engagement. Problem solved, right? You wish.

While on the phone with Jim, Wayfair responds to my rants, saying they've contacted their warehouse and another one, the right one is on the way the next day. I have the one I ordered from Wayfair already. I have the other model from Jim via Target.com already. I don't want another one. I tell them to eighty-six the replacement. She agrees. Whew. Jim tells me to return his in the store instead of shipping Wayfair's back. Double whew.

Shit. I have to fill Linda in. I can't let her open Jim's, addressed from me, on Christmas morning. Plus we're going to see Jim and Sue before then. She needs to know. I make her open the present early, nearly against her will. She gets excited and thanks me. I tell her it's not from me. I go to the closet and pull out the one that would have been from me. Now we have 2 sitting out until we make the decision about what to do with each of them based on convenience.

Oh... 2 days later that third one, that Wayfair canceled, arrived and they aren't sure if they want it back. So now we have 3 of them in the house. I can carbonate the entire city's water supply. I still have to pour flavor in separately. Now, I REALLY hate SodaStream.

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